WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR ?

Job 2:11-13, 4:1-9

What does it mean to be a friend? There is an old Jewish proverb that states, "A friend is one who warns you?" I like that, but this image seems incomplete. Noted Christian author C.S. Lewis said, "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What! You, too? I thought I was the only one?" This adds some helpful substance to the image of friendship. Songwriters Carol King and James Taylor offered another description of friendship in a well-known tune. Taylor sings,

When you're down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.

You just call out my name,
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a friend.

"What are friends for?" The answer to this question that is given in the classic song, "You've Got a Friend," is common in our day and age. In some respects it can be summed up by the saying, "Prosperity begets friends, adversity proves them." In other words, a friend will be there to uplift and support us when we are down and troubled. A friend will come to our aid when the horizon becomes darkened with clouds that are bleak and foreboding in order to ride out the storm with us.

How do Job's friends compare to the image of friendship portrayed by James Taylor? For the most part, readers of the book Job have found his friends to be callous and ruthless toward him. As we will see, this interpretation is well founded but it is not the whole story. In fact, when we are first introduced to Job's three friends Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar, it seems they share James Taylor's perspective on friendship whole-heartedly. Job 2:11 says, "When Job's three friends heard of all the troubles that had come upon him each of them set out from his home [and]....They met together to go and console and comfort him." If you ask me, the reaction by Job's friends to the tragedy of his situation is inspiring. It is as immediate and unhesitating as James Taylor's words, "Just call out my name...and...wherever I am...I'll come running."

But the implied intimacy of the relationship between Job and his friends does not stop there. Job 2:12 goes on to say that when the three friends first saw Job, from a distance they could not be sure that is was him. The implication here is that his ailments had deteriorated his physical condition to such a great extent that he was almost completely unrecognizable even to his close friends.

Upon seeing Job and witnessing his affliction and torment first hand all three of his friends were overcome with anguish. In objection to Job's miserable state of being Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar cried and wept out loud. They also tore their clothes. To clarify this symbolic act for we moderns, who in my experience do not make a habit of tearing our clothes, for the ancient Hebrews this was a gesture of ritual grief and mourning that suggested a strong emotional reaction to a situation. In short, Job's friends were heart-broken as a result of his wretched condition.

But they don't just feel sorry for him and go home. Instead all three friends sat with Job on the ground for seven days and seven nights in total silence. In order to understand the gravity of this act, it is worth diverging for a moment to reflect on the function of silence in human relationships.

Silence communicates, and although interpreting its intended meaning is not always easy, in my experience, we usually know what it means. In part, I would guess this is due to the fact that most of us have had experience interpreting silence as well as using it to communicate with others. For instance, when a parent says a child's name firmly and then is silent the parent is communicating a sense of importance to the child that implies he or she expects a reply quickly. Likewise, the child who hears this interprets the urgency of the situation that is communicated by the call and the silence that follows. And if the child knows what's good for her, she will not wait to hear her name break the silence before she responds. Of course this is only one example. Silence can communicate many other ideas as well, such as confusion, frustration, fear, awe, deep thought, attentiveness, and respect.

Moving back to Job 2:13, in light of this brief discussion, I can't help but wonder about the meaning behind the silence of Job's friends. Why did they say nothing to Job or to each other for seven days and nights? Due to the strong emotions they exhibited in reaction to Job's condition, it seems likely that they did not speak because they could not. In this scenario the urge to form words was arrested by the weight of the sorrow they felt in behalf of Job and any use of words would have been a clumsy restatement of what had already been articulated clearly by their silence, namely, Job was a dear friend and they were willing to ride out the storm with him. In their silence Job's friends displayed a deep affection for Job that is powerful, admirable and inspiring. In so doing they also proved true the Confucian proverb, "Silence is the true friend that never betrays." One wonders how the story might have been different if only Job and his friends had remained silent. Perhaps some of us can relate to this sentiment.

But they do not stay silent. Instead, as indicated by the outline in the "Moment for Worship" insert, after the seventh night of silence Job, "opened his mouth," and spoke. At this point, make a mental note of the fact that the text does not tell us who Job is addressing. Is he talking to himself? His friends? God? We can't be sure. In any case, we know that by speaking he initiated a dialogue with his three friends that continues for 29 chapters, almost three-quarters of the book of Job. It is clear, from the first sentence of his monologue to his last argument in chapter 32 that he is unhappy to say the least. In 3:3-4 Job says, "Let the day perish in which I was born and the night that said, let a child be conceived. Let that day be darkness." Even taken at face value these are strong words. Indeed, the intensity of his opening statements makes me think Job must have spent his time in silence stewing and pondering about his increasingly tormented condition.

Notice that Job is not only saying, "I wish I had never been born." In the first sentence alone, he goes two steps further, suggesting that the day he was born along with the night he was conceived should be stricken from time, they should never have happened. But this is only the beginning of the severity of Job's opening speech. By the end of chapter 3 Job says that it would have been better had the matter from which the world was created remained a formless and chaotic void, that light from the sun and stars should never have overcome darkness, and that he feels like God's prisoner, unable to be healed of his physical affliction in life and unable to enter the rest that comes in death. Basically, Job questions the rightness of God's decision to create him and all of creation. If you think Job's statements at this point are perilously close to profane, be aware of two things. First, you are in good company. I, along with many Bible scholars, maintain this view, as do Job's friends. Second, Job is just getting warmed up. In fact, with each successive speech Job pushes the envelope of orthodox belief a little further while all three of his friends completely reject any line of thought that appears to question the way God works. As the book of Job progresses the dialogue between Job and his friends reflects the escalating tension that results and ultimately their dialogue breaks down altogether.

But the dialogue is relatively gracious in the beginning. Eliphaz is the first to respond to Job's speech. Contrary to the heading of chapter 4 in the NRSV which states, "Eliphaz Speaks: "Job has sinned," I don't think this text was intended to be condemning toward Job, although there are numerous cheap shots in later chapters. Actually here Eliphaz appears quite courteous. His response begins on a personal note, in which he asks for Job's permission to speak before offering a response. Then Eliphaz reminds Job of the unshakeable foundation of his prior confidence and hope, the fear of God and personal integrity.

A healthy fear of God and personal integrity, Eliphaz maintains, allowed Job to ease the suffering of others in the past, and now these things should also be the source of Job's comfort. In essence Eliphaz exhorts Job to be patient and believe that things will work out according to God's design. Basically, he tells Job that since bad things only happen to bad people that if Job is truly innocent and upright that he should expect to be cured of his suffering very soon.

I don't know about you but I have heard this kind of encouragement before and, at least in my experience, it has never been all that comforting. I can't say exactly why. It's not that it is wrong per se. But it just doesn't seem to help even if I do my best to believe it is true. As another example of this issue consider the idea of providence, which maintains that God is fundamentally gracious and benevolent toward creation. On most days, I would guess that nearly all of us believe God is gracious and benevolent without thinking twice. But when circumstances are just right, or rather wrong in just the right ways, the foundation can seem a little shaky.

This was Job's experience. He simply could not understand the reason why he, the most righteous person, should endure such terrible suffering and this puzzling problem caused him to question his understanding of the way God works. In cases such as these employing ideas about how God works in the world as an encouragement, even if they are well intentioned and widely accepted, will often be perceived as insensitive and trite. In part, this is because it fails to take into account the uniqueness of the person and the circumstances of the situation. In addition, claiming to know exactly how God works is risky business because it suggests that God is predictable. Regrettably, human history is replete with stories of people who have been subjugated by the illusion of a predictable God.

Job is one such story and sadly Job's friends are the perpetrators of this illusion. What could they have done differently? Eliphaz ought to have listened to Job's protest attentively and considered the uniqueness of his situation more carefully Instead of reiterating the fairness of God's system of reward and punishment, as he does in verses 7-9. Instead, Eliphaz allowed his interpretation of how God works to supersede his treatment of Job. Eventually his originally benign belief that, "those who plow iniquity and sow trouble reap the same," spiraled out of control. Because Job's torment persisted he joined Job's other two friends in accusing Job, and his children of being unrepentant sinners who deserved the most ruthless punishments that God could muster against them.

We do not have time this morning to mention all of the terrible things Job's friends say about him in the course of their dialogue. Suffice it to say that the more firmly Job declares his righteousness the more mercilessly they rebuke him. By the end of the dialogue Job's friends believe he is utterly unrighteous and they react as if it is a contagious and fatal disease. Instead of interpreting Job's call for help and his cry of despair as sign of hope they rejected him. Instead of clarifying Job's confusion by attempting to answer the questions that caused him to doubt his friends kicked him when he was down. If only they had remained silent.

It seems to me that Job's friends would have been more successful at counseling Job and proved themselves to be better friends if they had encouraged him to reflect, not on how God works, but rather on what God is like. In Job's tormented state it may have been difficult for him to perceive that God is fundamentally good, as it can be for us as well. This is the paradox of life and faith that is highlighted in Job. This is the limit of human wisdom. We cannot know the fullness of the way God works. To be sure, terrible and tragic things happen to some good and upright people. Just as good fortune befalls some who are unjust. We cannot know the reason. But when the ground underneath us shakes and it is difficult to believe that God is good, will we continue to have hope? Will we continue to let God be God? Will we still worship? As we wrestle with these questions let us do so as a community and as friends let us uphold one another.

March 18, 2007

Brandon Willett

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