OUR STORY
Psalm 55:1-15, 20-21; Luke 10:25-37
I'd like to think that every family has a storyteller in it. I don't mean a storyteller in the sense of telling larger than life stories that are fictional. I mean a story teller who knows and appreciates the power of story...someone who has that rare, wise, spiritual way of seeing things...that seems to come about largely through time and life experiences. When I say storyteller, I mean that person who knows that it is in discovering, forming, hearing and sharing stories that our lives are enriched and healing begins.
My 78 year-old Aunt Ruth is that storyteller in my family. And I mean that quite literally. She earned a Masters degree in Storytelling at the age of 65. She also has researched our family history. She's gathered letters, stories, pictures, genealogy....and she shares these stories with all of us when we'll listen.
As you may imagine, going through such stories can be inspiring and fun; they remind us of those enjoyable, positive connections in our family. But Ruth doesn't just tell the good stories. She also knows and tells the painful ones. The ones that involve secrets, hard times, and issues that were considered unmentionable in her younger years. She tells the stories that can divide families when kept in silence, but when shared aloud can bring healing and redemption.
Ruth is not the only person in my life that has taught me about story. Professionally, I've also been taught the healing power of story by countless survivors of abuse on their journey to healing.
I'm grateful for the opportunity to preach today on the topic of the Gospel and healing from abuse. I'd like to thank Jeff and all others involved for the invitation to be a part of this sermon series. Working as a therapist in a women's program for over five years with survivors of physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse has left a profound impression on my journey. During this time, I've had the privilege of working in a progressive treatment program that has been a wealth of information and experience. I've learned so much from my direct supervisor, the creator of the program, my colleagues and from the teachings of several national and international trauma experts.1
While the knowledge and findings of these experts and teachers are invaluable, these experts, storytellers, and some theologians2 remind us that it is the survivor's stories that are most important. Their stories are essential to a faithful and responsible answer to God's call for our active involvement in the liberation and healing of the abused.
Here are four composite stories of four different survivors of abuse. All of these survivor's quality of life in the here and now are significantly impacted by abuse in various ways.
Linda finally finds the courage to speak to her sister about what is going on in her abusive home life. She says, "I really can't believe this is my life right now. I don't know what to do. He can be so loving and caring at times. I don't want to leave! I know that he's just doing this because of the abuse he received growing up. But he's losing more and more lately. If the neighbors hadn't called the police, I'm not sure that I would be standing here today. When the police came I was so embarrassed. I fear that they are thinking that I deserve it because I stay. But they don't know him; he's made it loud and clear, he'll do anything to keep me. Anything."
Marie is struggling to stay abstinent from alcohol. When talking about the relationship between her history of abuse and her addiction she says, "I don't want to drink! I don't...But I do! Since I've entered recovery I've started to gain some respect back. But now I can't stop thinking about my childhood. The seemingly most benign things...an angry look, the sound of a door slamming, the sound of footsteps behind me bring back all those images, thoughts and feelings of when my dad abused my mom in front of us...and we had to standby watching helplessly. Drinking used to give me a temporary escape. But by the time I stopped drinking, it was causing me just as much suffering as the abuse has. I really want a drink but I know that won't work in the long run. Right now, I have to take it moment by moment...God, grant me the serenity..."
Nancy is of a survivor of chronic, sexual abuse throughout her childhood. She was abused by a prominent member of her church, who was also a close family friend. When sharing her story she says, "You don't understand, I feel black on the inside. There is this whole part of my life that no one really knows about. I don't share it with others and I can barely stand to think about myself. Not even my husband knows. Part of me feels like I must have done something to deserve the abuse and that something in me must be bad. I really want to have hope that I can heal. I want to believe in God. But I'm so ashamed."
Jonathan struggles to get a theological understanding of his abuse and it's effects on his life. He says, "I can't seem to grasp it emotionally. How can an all powerful God be a loving one. And how can I have worth apart from what I achieve and how I perform! I know what I believe intellectually and I share with others...God's love is unconditional...but how can I be loved wholly for who I am? After all, anything less than perfection was met with my mom's angry hand, days of silence denying my existence or razor sharp insults that were the most confusing because the bruise they left was on the inside not the outside."
Linda's, Marie's, Nancy's and Jonathan's stories all demonstrate the many complexities regarding the issues of abuse. First and foremost, they all teach us about the pain of abuse...abuse violates the one who is being abused on multiple levels in profound ways...emotional, physical, biochemical, sexual and spiritual ways.
All four survivor's stories teach us that abuse can not only rob a person of a sense of safety in the world then, but that sense of danger can continue throughout life. Chronic, severe abuse can cause changes in brain chemistry that, when left untreated, can leave a survivor of abuse feeling victimized and unsafe long after the abuse has stopped, even when she/he is safe.
Marie teaches us that children and individuals are forced to rely on coping means that help them survive abuse in the short term, such as mind altering substances, addictive behaviors, personality traits, states of mind, and disturbances in memory. But those ways of surviving and coping can prohibit survivors from a meaningful existence if they continue once out of the traumatic situation.
Linda teaches us that abusers are most often a close, trusted family member or friend. She teaches us that abuse can be confusing because those who abuse can sometimes be just as loving as they are abusive. And even though this never justifies abuse, sometimes the abuser has also experienced abuse himself/herself.
Nancy and Jonathan teach us how survivors often personalize their abuse and experience it as something they received because of being bad rather than something bad being done to them.
And finally, all four survivors teach us that it is first in having a safe place to come that they can begin the healing process by forming and sharing their story.
Now that we've heard the stories of survivors and their implications, let's listen to some sobering statistics regarding abuse:3
--Every two minutes, at least eight women in the United States are severely injured by their husbands or boyfriends.
--One in three to four girls and one in five boys are sexually assaulted before their 18th birthday.
--According to the Children's Defense Fund, every 47 seconds a child is abused in America.
--Every day in America, three children die from abuse and over 8,000 children are reported abused or neglected.
--80-90% of child sex offenders are known to their victim.
--4% of senior citizens suffer from some form of abuse, neglect, or exploitation; some experts believe that most cases of elder abuse go unreported.
What story arises out of these statistics? A story of a country filled with communities, families and individuals in pain caused by abuse. A story of a national issue that is estimated to total $67 billion a year for police and judicial costs, medical care, social services and lost productivity and employment.4 A story that many of you may already know too well because of working in helping or teaching professions...or you may know the story even closer because of your own personal experience of abuse.
How does the gospel shed light on how we are called as a Christian community to respond to those who are abused? In today's Gospel lesson on the parable of the Good Samaritan, Jesus tells a parable about a man who is a victim of violence. He tells how a man is robbed, stripped, beaten and left to die on the side of a dangerous road. He then tells us how the Samaritan, the third of three passers by, is the only one who stopped to help the victim. He finally describes how the Samaritan compassionately responds to the victim and helps him to safety.
There are so many wonderful, important dimensions to this Parable that we need to briefly note in order to understand the implications of the passage for us today. Firstly, the Parable of the Good Samaritan is offered by Jesus in response to the lawyer's question "and who is my neighbor?" This parable, in part, is telling us who to consider as part of our story as we respond to God's call to those who are abused and victims of violence.5
Secondly, the Good Samaritan, the only one who stopped to help the victim, is the one who according to the culture of the time, was not technically considered the victim's neighbor. This parable is telling us that we are called to be radically inclusive in response to God's call and who we consider our neighbor. According to this passage, we are part of the larger story of all of humanity.6
And lastly, the Good Samaritan is identified as the model of how Christian's are called to respond to victims. This passage is not only responding to the question of "who is my neighbor." In this passage Jesus also responds to the question of "who is the bestower or neighborly love." Jesus identifies the Good Samaritan as the "bestower of neighborly love." And what does a "bestower of neighbor love" look like? Some commentaries describe it as the "extravagance of love." The Good Samaritan generously and extravagantly tends to the man's wounds, takes him to safety, and assumes financial obligations for him while he recovers. He approaches the situation with the question "what will happen to this man if I don't help him." A true attitude reflecting loving his neighbor as himself.7
Now, all of this said, what is our response to God's call for active involvement in the liberation and healing of those abused? Before we start to answer that question, we should acknowledge that there are many in this congregation who are already answering this call by working in a helping profession that addresses this issue. And also there are many of you who are working in a volunteer capacity regarding this issue. And I'm grateful today for Susan Victor, and others who stand against domestic violence publicly, who are so willing to speak out on the issue, educate us and guide us in ways in which we can help.
So, what are some things individually and corporately we can do to answer God's call in this journey? Firstly, we can start by breaking the silence of abuse. If anyone here today is being abused or has been abused and is weighed down by the pain and burden of those experiences, break the silence. There are safe places to start sharing your story in the journey to healing, whether that be a friend, a hotline, a shelter, or a professional. If someone we know and love is being abused, we are called to support them in breaking their silence by just listening to their story in whatever time and manner they wish to share it.8
If any of us have reason to believe that a child is being abused, we are called to break the silence by going through the proper channels according to the situation to protect the child. We are called to be intentional about getting educated on the issues of what are myths and realities about child abuse, spousal abuse, elder abuse and rape.
On a systemic level, there are many ways to get involved to give voice to those who are silenced by abuse. We can become involved with organizations such as Womanspace who serve those seeking shelter and safety from abuse. We can join forces with advocacy programs for children or elderly individuals who have experienced abuse. We can become involved in what the state of New Jersey is doing to address family violence in terms of prevention, legislation, resources and services...and advocate for changes in areas where there is a gap.9
We are called to break the silence.
Secondly, like the Good Samaritan, we are called to respond with extravagant and compassionate neighborly love that embodies "the extravagance of love."10 How can we offer "the extravagance of love" to those seeking liberation and healing from abuse? Emotionally, it could take the form of an unconditional, safe presence that offers nonjudgmental support. Spiritually, it could take the form of praying regularly with or for those who are abused. Personally, it could take the form of helping victims and survivors get access to agencies, communities and professionals that can provide further support. In material ways it could involve donating our material resources to agencies that assist those seeking shelter and healing from abuse. Or it could mean offering our professional services in a volunteer manner. Or it could mean inviting a foster child into our home.
Just as no two stories are the same, and just as no two survivors of abuse have the exact same experience, there is no one single response to this call. The parable of the Good Samaritan, however, does tell us that we are all indeed called to respond as members of the Christian community...as part of God's story for humanity. And Jesus tells us that whatever shape or form that response takes, we are called to be radically inclusive and embody an extravagantly loving and compassionate attitude towards those who are most vulnerable.
My Aunt Ruth really wanted to be here today. Unfortunately, severe rheumatoid arthritis in her neck and spine keep her in Harrisonburg, Virginia, this morning. But I trust and know that she's here today in her prayers and in her spirit of storytelling. We spoke on the phone yesterday talking about today's sermon. She shared with me various stories as we were talking about the ending to this sermon. I listened. We concluded the conversation very differently than we both had expected. We both agreed...Jesus has already given us the most fitting story by lifting up the Good Samaritan as the bestower of neighborly love...and a neighborly love that is radically inclusive and embodies "the extravagance of love." That is the most fitting story to end this sermon with. So, we are walking on the road from Jerusalem to Jericho and we know that we are passing victims of abuse, how are we going to respond and continue to respond with neighborly love?
Amen.
1 Bessel A. van der Kolk, M.D., John Briere, Ph.D., Marsha M. Linehan, Ph.D., Judith Lewis Herman, M.D.
2 Poling, James Newton. The Abuse of Power: A Theological Problem. Nashville: Abbington Press 1991.
3Besham, Beth and Lisherness, Sara. Striking Terror No More: The Church Responds to Domestic Violence. 2nd Edition. Louisville: Bridge Resources 1997.
4 Ibid., p.3.
5 "The Gospel According to Luke." The Interpreter's Bible, Vol. VIII. New York: Abingdon-Cokesbury Press: 1952.
6 Ibid., p. 195.
7 Ibid., pp. 195-197.
8 Ibid., pp. 81-82.
9 Ibid., pp. 81-82.
10 Ibid., p 195
November 12, 2006
Alisa Pearson
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